Sunday, June 28, 2009

2 weeks down, 2 to go!

We close out the 2nd week (out of 4) for the summer with the love of my life's kids.

The week started off with a very nice Father's Day. We picked them up from their house and went to breakfast. Let's note that for Mother's Day...the BM couldn't even bother to show up at our house to pick up the kids as promised at 7am to go to breakfast, and instead sent her boyfriend (over an hour late) to get them and then didn't do anything with them for the day as promised. There was no way that we would be late picking them up. When you promise the kids that you are coming to get them and take them to do it.

The rest of the week was mostly filled with typical stuff. The boy failing a test for an extracurricular activity he's involved in, getting grounded, bitching, etc. The girl, questioning every move we make, or putting her 2 cents into every single conversation. Typical teenage stuff as it goes. Well, other than the boy staring at my chest or butt every 5 seconds. Now, I know that he's 13...and I'm totally hot (just kidding), but seriously...I'm going to be your stepmom. Ewe. The love of my life says it's normal, but even he is getting sick and tired of seeing the boy try to stare down my shirt every chance he gets.

When we have the kids we are pretty much doing stuff with them all the time. We take walks together, watch movies together, play games together, spend a lot of time talking and laughing. What I get really sick of is how they talk about how the BM can't do anything with them because she's "too busy working", "too tired", "not feeling well", "has no money". It's bullshit, and I'm sick of the poor mom crap. I'm not their mom, and I do more with them than their mother ever does or will. For the people reading my blog that are not stepmoms, but are as you call yourselves "real moms"...please remember that you decided to have a kid. Spend time with them, be interested in what they do, make time for them even when you don't feel like it. Life moves too fast and co-existing does NOT count as "spending time together".

For example, the girl bought this book about how to make crafts out of recycled goods. We sat down together for hours just working on making things together. This is one of the sweet times together when she's not looking at me like, "you're not my mom".

This year they also took part in celebrating my birthday. Last year you would have thought it was an unreasonable request for them to do something for me. However, if I didn't do something for them for their birthday's...holy shit...the world would fall apart. This year the love of my life made sure to have them participate which to my shock they did not object. They got excited about it, and got me 2 gifts...#1.) a back massager. No, this is not a vibrator, but an actual back massager. The second gift (that they promised was "the most thoughtful") was a Snuggie. Now, we do joke around about how retarded the Snuggie is a lot, but did I think that would be the "thoughtful" gift. No, but they were really excited and it was funny as hell. Thank god they got me a tan/brown one and not monk red. Now we need to just wait for it not to be 110 degrees outside!

A few other things to note:

Games you should NOT play with teenagers:
1.) Twister - for obvious reasons we no longer play this. If you don't understand why...think back to my comment about the boy looking down my shirt and staring at my ass.
2.) Scrabble SLAM - seems like a harmless game, but it's based on 4 letter words. 13 year old boys love to start the game with the word COCK...supposedly "like the rooster". uh huh

The only thing that still works with teenagers:
1.) Bribery - "if you don't fight with each other all week, we'll have a special day at the end of the week" This shit still works. Take it while you can...

Conversations that always happen:
1.) Anything in regards to sex or the changing of their bodies - do we always need to talk about masturbation or periods? Yes...yes we do. I encourage everyone to have an open relationship with any kids around them about these things, but sometimes they will say more than you bargained for. "Dad, what does it mean when they say you can go blind from touching yourself too much?" First, stop choking on whatever you are eating/drinking. Second, think of a clever answer that doesn't make him feel like a Catholic kid who grows up with sexual issues. Their dad's answer, "well, am I blind? No? Well, then...carry on". Just when you think the conversation has hasn't. "So dad, how old are you when you stop?" Dad, "um, I wasn't aware you ever really stop." The boy, "you mean, you don't stop when you get married?" Dad, "I'm pretty sure you do it more when you're married". of life's little lessons :)
2.) They will always tell you things that the BM says behind your back or their dad's back that will infuriate you. Things like, "dad, mom said that you are an irresponsible parent". It's always because of something that SHE did that she's trying to take any kind of attention away from her for. Another personal favorite..."mom, I don't like your boyfriend being around all the time, can we get just a little time alone with you?" Her response, "that's a double standard because your dad lives with someone." Um yeah, and I gladly retreat to a bar, a spa day, my room, or any other quiet padded room when they are here sometimes in order for them to get time alone with their dad. She will blame her own bad parenting on anyone else other than herself, and usually it has to do with your man or you, and she makes it known to the kids.

And then, the time in the week everyone looks forward to...the last day. Sunday! The kids are looking forward to going home to sleep in their own beds and not on an air mattress, and to not have "so many rules". We are looking forward to having some alone time, aka: sex, sleeping, watching what we want to watch. Everyone stares at the clock watching the minutes turn into seconds as it nears 8pm. The BM should be here any minute. Will she? OF COURSE NOT...because she's ALWAYS late. ALWAYS. God forbid she wants to see her kids on time after not seeing them for over a week. Now, the best part is how she has given the "poor me" talk to the kids over and over. "We can't go to the movies, I can't take you to dinner, we can't go for a walk because my back hurts." What has she done all week while the kids are with us? Movies, the mall, dinner, taking walks with the BF. Now, I'm not saying she shouldn't have a life. Please god...DO have a life, you will then be less of a whine bag to the love of my life which means that he will be happier. But for crying out loud...don't tell your kids that you have NO TIME to do things, but the second they aren't there start doing all the stuff they beg you to do.

Me...I have a big mouth sometimes. "So, you're telling me that your mom has time for all this stuff when you are gone? That's really nice. You should talk to her about that..." Then again, maybe that is my own little way of making her 45 minute car ride (that she claims costs her $20 a trip to make) very uncomfortable. Like the uncomfortable 45 minutes we had to endure while we sat around and waited for her to finally show up.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A little bit of background...

Let me start by saying...

I love my life! I love the "love of my life" and his kids! However, this has not always been the case.

At 29 years old I knew what I was getting into. Or so I thought I did. When I met the "love of my life" we worked together and were friends first. He told me everything about his baggage and responsibilities. I knew he had 2 kids (pre-teens), but I thought "what's the big deal? I love kids, and kids love me." The part I didn't really think about was that they were another woman's kids. Not the kind of woman who is your sister, your aunt, or your best ex-wife. This means that the kids already have a mom, and no matter what you do or say...they will never let you forget that.

Believe me, I get it. I don't want to be their mom. They have a mom already that they love very much and should. Figuring out how our part-time family fits together though...that is one hell of an adventure!

That is where this blog comes in. We've been living together with the kids every other weekend and 1/2 the summers for over a year now. I know there are some crazy stories from the past year that I don't have posted here, but there are so many more to come!

With so many stepmoms out there, I have only been lucky enough to have one of the most amazing stepmoms as a friend of mine. She has helped me through this crazy transition of life, and I could never survive it without her, our drinks, and our spa days! You know who you are, and I love you!!!

To the love of my life: Thank you for being so supportive, caring, and level headed when I'm not. You have been the best partner one could ask for, and I look forward to our entire journey! I love you more than you will ever know!