Monday, April 11, 2011

Telling the stepkids we are going to try to have a baby

Oh lordy...I have been stalling on writing this blog because it wasn't exactly the happiest moment of my life...

So, a few weeks ago the kids started noticing that I haven't been drinking alcohol. I'm not an alcoholic, but I do like to have a drink with meals or here and there sitting on the back patio on a nice day. We were out to dinner and SD13 was giving me this crazy look when dad ordered a beer and I ordered water. This is not the first time she has noticed or commented, and the kids have seen my prenatals and I've said in the past "we're going to try to have a baby someday so better for me to start now". This look though was like I was deciving her. I think she might have thought I was already pregnant. So, I just flat out said, "yes SD13, your dad and I are going to try to have a baby, we are currently trying for that to happen". Well, all hell kinda broke loose (I'm so glad we were in a loud restaurant). SS15 immediately says, "NO NO NO...this is TOO soon! You said like 2 years after you got married!!! Dad hasn't even had a reversal!!!" My hubby quickly told them about 2 years to have the baby, and maybe he did have a reversal but it's none of their business (we don't feel it's necessary to tell them we are doing IVF)...not 2 years to get pregnant. SS15 still freaking out starts going on and on about how horrible this will be and then says, "SIT, the day I find out you are pregnant is goign to be the worst day of my life", SD says "yeah, mine too!" I really wanted to slap them, cry, run out, but didn't. I just held it together and said, "well, I guess you should be prepared to have your life ruined."

We started talking to them about how just because we have a baby it doesn't mean they would be ignored or forgotten. They quickly reminded me how they have stated many times that they do not want their dad having more kids, to which I quickly said "I'm sorry, but that is not your is your dad's and mine." They said it should be their decision because they are the kids and have to share dad. Then, in the middle of all of this, a baby starts crying behind SD. She's like, SEE! SEE! This is what I have to look forward to...just great!" Then SS starts talking about how they will never sleep and fail classes and blah blah blah. (Shit that I know BM planted in their brains when we first started loosly talking about this a few years ago). I told them that I will get them really good ear plugs.

We eventually finished and went home. The rest of the night was pretty much business as usual. Since then DH has had a 1-on-1 talk with SD about relaxing about the whole thing and that he will not tollerate a lot of negatity about a positive thing. That we are excited to have a baby together and that this is my first time and that she needs to either shut her mouth if she has nothing nice to say or tell him later. That we are not going to be made to feel bad because we want to add to the family. He plans on having a similar talk with SS when he gets a chance. I have to really love my hubby...he totally backs me up on how to deal with their bullshit. This is more about them being selfish teenagers and all about how it will affect them vs. how this is something positive to add to the family. Frankly, they are old enough with their own lives starting that they will hardly be around for most of what happens. It's just plain straight up jealousy that dad will have a kid with him 24/7 and them only 50% of the time. He is really good about being attentive to them now...yes, some of that will change, but not the way they think like he'll forget who they are. As my husband says...."the proof is in the pudding"....

Starting the IVF process!

So, last Friday we started the IVF process.

Now, I don't want to turn this into an IVF blog, however, I know that many stepmoms deal with what to do when hubby has had a vasectomy and you decide to have children together so I want to share with you what we are/will be going through. Because my husband has had his vasectomy for almost 14 years, it was not really an option for us to go with a reversal. A reversal most likely wouldn't be successful and if it did we'd have to pay out of pocket for that (about $10K) and then if that didn't work we'd have to move onto IVF which is another $20K on top of that. So, we made the decision to go straight to IVF. Is it what I really wanted to do? No, but the end result is the same...a baby (or twins).

***WARNING***This is about to get more in depth and graphic so if you are not interested in the process...don't read. Because I am under 35 and assumed to be in good health for having babies, I am on a fairly simple protocol. I had to wait for my period to come (which of course was a week late since I was waiting for it). On day 2 I went into the office for a few blood tests and an ultrasound to see how my ovaries are doing during my cycle and to check how many follicles I'm producing on an average basis. Follicle # is what can give them a general idea of how many eggs they might be able to retrieve. I was at approximately 24. Which they said was VERY good. Phew! They did find a fibroid which they said is common, but during one of my many tests they will see where it is located and if it's location is going to be an issue at all. It shouldn't be though.

Then I started my Lupron. Lupron is a shot (like a small diabetic needle) that I give myself in my belly every morning for about 3 weeks. This drug is used to suppress my cycle and basically put me into menopause before they have me amp up. The shot isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Pretty painless actually (and I'm squeamish about shots, needles, blood). My husband has given me one and I have given myself a couple. No problems. I haven't experienced anything too bad for side effects yet. Just some bloating and a few headaches. I've still been able to go hiking and be active, but do feel a little more tired now on day 4. The good old hot flashes are supposed to start coming around weeks 2-3. My husband is just waiting for me to go nutso :)

This week I have a litany of tests to do. Blood tests and internal tests mostly to make sure I have a "happy" uterus. Then after about 3-4 weeks I will start taking growth hormones (more shots) to increase the # of eggs they will be able to retrieve.  Then they will retrieve sperm from my husband one night and my eggs the next moring and hopefully 5 days later they will implant 2 healthy looking embryos.  Yes...2...chance for twins  :)
I would say to anyone who has looked at the option of IVF to not just think it's about $8-$10K. You have to factor in several other things (like additional procedures and all of the medication, in addition to some tests that insurance doesn't cover). This is all like if you live in a state like I do that insurance doesn't cover IVF. When it's all said and done we are looking at almost $20K. We are having to do a medical loan, which basically has credit card like interest and you pay for 4 years. Make sure you get something that doesn't have a pre-payment penalty if you go this route so that you can pay down the balance faster if you can. The interest is insane! Right now we are very optimistic that this will work and if so...I could be preggo by summer! Here's to hoping :)

How to deal with a stepmom

A friend of mine forwarded's funny, but unfortunately so true... The Stepkids Handbook on How to Deal with a Stepmom:

  • If a Stepmother gives her stepchildren gifts, she's trying to buy your affections.

  • If a Stepmother doesn't give her stepchildren gifts, she's cold and withholding (and cheap. Makes you wonder why she married your Dad...)

  • If a Stepmother tries to engage a stepchild in conversation, she's pushy and probing.

  • If a Stepmother backs off and does her own thing, she's cold and unwelcoming.

  • If the Stepmother's house is untidy, feel sorry for Dad for having to live in such a mess.

  • If the Stepmother's house is clean, feel sorry for Dad for having to put up with such an uptight shrew.

  • If Dad wants to see you regularly, it's just the Stepmother trying to play "happy families" and replace your Mother.

  • If Dad doesn't want to see you regularly, then the stepmother is trying to push you out of his life.

  • Stepmothers should have their own kids and stop trying to steal the first wife's children away from her by being so nice.

  • Stepmothers shouldn't have their own kids because the first kids will feel abandoned and won't get all Dad's money, time and attention.

  • If you ask Dad for money and he gives it to you, it's the stepmothers fault you had to ask in the first place. Dad should have just known, and he would have given you more than you asked for if it wasn't for her.

  • If you ask Dad for money and he says "no", it's because the stepmother is controlling the finances behind the scenes.

  • If the stepmother organizes a holiday, it's never where you want to go, or what you want to do (even if you said it was before, you are entitled to change your mind).

  • If the stepmother doesn't take you on holiday, she's just plain selfish and cheap.. and Dad would have taken you anywhere you wanted, if not for her.

  • If the stepmother asks you to dress nicely for Dad's birthday dinner, she's being controlling (so dress as badly as you like to prove to her she isn't the boss).

  • If the stepmother doesn't take you out for Dad's birthday dinner (and pay for it all.. somewhere expensive, with no thanks), she's trying to exclude you from Dad's life.

  • If the stepmother let's you disrespect her, she's trying too hard (so you can be rude because she deserves what she gets).

  • If the stepmother insists on basic respect and civility, she's a bitch.

  • If your Dad can't pay his bills, then the stepmother isn't budgeting his money properly (Dad was doing fine before she came along, even if he was sleeping on the street).

  • If your Dad sets any budget or limit on something you want, it's really the stepmother controlling him, because he'd just give you absolutely everything otherwise. If the dishes aren't done, it's the stepmothers fault.

  • If it's Dad's job to do the dishes and they aren't done, then the Dad is obviously a slave in his own home and that's the stepmothers fault. (This also goes for hedge trimming, car maintenance.. any domestic duty, really).

  • It's unfair for your Dad to have to do any chores at all. She should have to do everything, that's what she signed up for when she married a man with kids.)

  • If the stepmother treats you like an honoured guest, you don't feel like family and she shouldn't have married your Dad if she couldn't accept his family.

  • The stepmother has no right to treat you like family because she simply isn't your family and never will be. Family are expected to do stupid things like clean up after themselves, and obviously you shouldn't have to do that.

  • Any positive interaction between a stepmother and her own children is sickening and fake, if she isn't spoiling her children entirely.

  • Any negative interaction between a stepmother and her own children just goes to show what a bad mother she is.

  • Stepmothers are never sick. They just pretend to be so they get your Dad's time and attention away from you.

  • Stepmothers who hardly ever get sick are still hypochondriacs. Any illness your stepmother does contract is somehow her own fault, which entitles her to derision, never sympathy (and god forbid she get any help, especially from your Father).

  • If your stepmother lends you something of hers, she has no right to expect it back in one piece, in a reasonable time frame, or at all, really.

  • If you stepmother won't lend you something of hers, she's a selfish miserable bitch with trust issues.

  • If you take something of your stepmother's it isn't stealing. When she dies, it will all go to Dad, and when he dies, it will all go to you. As she's "dead to you" already, you might as well have her stuff now.

  • If you do steal something from your stepmother, then she has no right to complain, as your Dad should have spent that money on you, and she had too many of whatever it was anyway. Even if she only had one, from before she was married.

  • If your stepmother cooks, it's guaranteed that the food with be terrible. The better it is, the more you need to find something wrong with it.If your stepmother doesn't cook, she's a lazy bitch.

  • Anything that your Dad cooks is automatically fantastic, poor man.Just remember, everything she does is wrong, because it's all her fault. As long as you give her that much power, you'll have someone else to blame for every bad thing in your life.