Wednesday, September 16, 2009

When being a stepmom is totally worth it!

Today is National Stepfamily Day, and it's the perfect time to tell this story...

Earlier this week the boy had a promotional ceremony for an extra curricular activity he's involved in. When he gets promoted he is asked to have 2 people come up and participate in his promotion in front of the entire group. Last time he chose mom and dad. This time he asked me and his mom's BF. I was so honored by this, especially given that the BM would be there watching the whole thing. I was very nervous getting up there in front of everyone and getting the evil death stare from the BM.

When I started thinking about it I realized how brave the boy is, and what a big deal this is for him and for me. Even after his mom tried to get him to change his mind, he still told her, "she has been involved in my life for long enough and has earned the right to be there for me". WOW! It made me immediately realize...I'm doing something right. I'm making a place for myself in these kid's lives and hearts. 2 years ago, I never would have thought this would be possible, and now it's happening right in front of me.

What's funny is that when asked about the BF's involvement he said, "well, it's only fair that I ask him if I ask her".

During the ceremony you could tell that the BF and I were both nervous, and we also were asked to take a professional picture with the boy. At that moment someone asked for "mom and dad" to come up too. What a crazy picture that's going to be. The boy with "both" of his families. Future stepmom on one side, BM on the other. How we were all able to stand up there together without wanting to kill each other I'll never know. All I can say is that if you are truly doing what's right for the kids...this is what it's like and what makes being a stepmom totally worth it! I am a part of their lives, and there is proof in pictures and in front of other people that I am there and I'm just as much a part of this family. Even if it's a crazy stepfamily!

Happy Stepfamily Day!

The things we do for love

Sorry that it's been awhile since my last post, but it's been crazy busy! My finace and I had been having some discussions about the BM's lack of involvement in the kid's lives and how it isn't right to have her BF of only a few months basically raising his kids. I came up with the craziest idea I think I've ever had...

Let's move to closer to the kids.

Seems simple enough. Not really. I own a house that can't be sold in this market, the kids live an hour away, the idea of living down the street from the BM makes my stomach turn, and where they live is out in the middle of nowhere. I'm not exactly an "out in the middle of nowhere" kind of girl, but's for the kids...let's give it a try! Now, before anyone thinks I'm totally crazy I have to say a few things...

#1. I am getting married to this wonderful man with 2 kids, and not everything is just about me anymore. I have to think of the kids and their relationship with their father. Happy fiance + happy kids = happy me.
#2. I lived far from my dad when my parents were divorced and I hated only seeing my dad every other weekend, and barely even that when I started having a lot of friends, boyfriends, school activities. Living closer gives a lot more flexibility to see them.
#3. His kids have been asking for something like this for a long time, and I can see how they would be able to benefit from this. Especially now that the BM is not home before 10pm at least 3-5 nights a week.
#4. Living closer means more time with the kids (we are hoping for 50/50 custody), and a better relationship for my fiance and the kids. Not to mention, that my relationship can now be more than just every other weekend.

All within 2 weeks we found a place, packed, and moved. I am renting my house out since I don't want to sell right now. We are in our new place which is twice the size of my place. The kids each have their own room, and we have a pool! The house is amazing, but the drive to get anywhere sucks. The kids are very excited, and even the BM has taken a positive approach to this (so far) because now she'll have more people to take care of things for her with the kids. What she doesn't realize, is that once 50/50 is set...she won't be getting as much child support as she does now. I'm sure that once all the court stuff is settled she will be freaking out. This is not going to go without drama because she will find anything to complain about. Already has actually. That we are 5 minutes driving distance from their house and the kids can't walk there. Honestly lady, I don't need to be THAT close to you and as long as we are in the same school district for the kids...that's as close as I want to be.

But for now...everyone is happy about the change in address. We've already started seeing the kids more, and I feel a lot calmer about things knowing that they won't just be coming in and out of my life every 2 weeks. I think this will help my relationship with them grow stronger as well.

Here's to hoping for the best!