Wednesday, December 7, 2011

How I'm doing

So, it's been about 5 months since the Blighted Ovum/miscarriage/nightmare situation and I'm doing a lot better. 

At the time I thought I would never get over it, and while I'm no where near "over it" I have returned to what I believe is my old self.  About mid-September I decided I couldn't be upset and miserable anymore.  It was so depressing, but I didn't know how to get out of it.  My BFF suggested that since I've found so much help through stepmom forums/blogs to do the same thing in regards to IVF.  I did and have been very thankful to share my journey with some of those ladies.

I also decided to get my ass to the gym and work off the weight I had put on with all the medications and lack of exercise.  I set a goal and signed up for a running event before Thanksgiving and every morning started getting up at 4:45am to go to a spin class or to run.  I focused on it while out of town, I forced myself to do it every day.  And I can happily say that out of 2 months I only missed about 4 or 5 days.  As the miles and days passed my anger/resentment/sadness started to pass too. 

Things with my family have been much better.  I don't look at my skids anymore with resentment of their existence and in fact have been bonding with them more now than ever.  SS has turned 16 and has been having some crazy teen drama going on that he has felt comfortable to share with me.  Sometimes we sit and talk for hours about life.  My SD has recently gotten her first high school boyfriend and has been exploding with excitement and wanting to sit and talk about boys and if her feelings are normal, etc. 

My husband doesn't look at me like I might fall apart any minute anymore.  I hope that continues :)  We do have frozen embryos so we will try again soon and keep our fingers crossed.

Frankly the only major issue I've had lately is with my mother.  The woman can be such a bitch I can't stand it!  She texted me (yes, TEXTED, because my mom no longer knows how to actually dial a phone anymore) and asked me if I was pregnant because of a pic she saw on FB where she felt my belly was "filling out".  First of all, no.  Second of all, I just dropped 10 lbs and she's asking me this?  AND she's asking me this over a text message?  Really, after she knows everything I've been through?  I pretty much laid into her via text back and haven't spoken to her since.  She of course tried to turn it around on me, and even contacted my husband who told her she is in the wrong and needs to apologize.  Apology from my mother?  Yeah right!  The woman is the spitting image of BM (or would it really be the other way around), and has never seen the wrong she has ever done...she's always pointing fingers.  Probably why I despise BM so much and feel so bad for the skids because I know what it's like having a mother who is so self involved and so full of herself and excuses you could puke. I'm just glad she lives in another state so that I can avoid her as much as possible. 

We did have a bit of an issue with BM where she almost had to have back surgery and was laid up for a few weeks.  She immediately tried to get sympathy from my DH and went straight to the "what am I going to do about money" bit.  Um, how about calling someone who your own friends or family.  She apparently is back at work, actually at a new job, and things are fine.  We really hear nothing from her anymore unless it has to do with something she wants and I think she finally learned the word "NO" so it's been really quiet. 

All in all, things are good.  They aren't perfect, but it never is.