Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Another court road block for FH...major vent


So...with great sadness I am reporting that court did not go well this morning. After 8 months of dealing with filings and waiting for court dates, my FH still has to file AGAIN because the court made a "clerical error" and didn't send him a specific form he needed.

A little background...FH is currently paying close to $2K a month to BM. $1100 is CS and the rest is spousal support. The spousal support was to get her "back on her feet" after 12 years of marriage and her refusing to work once the kids were in fulltime school. Anyway... so, she is now making more money and has had a live in boyfriend for over a year and he decided it was time to request a change. Removal, reduction...whatever. His pay has continued to go down, and her's continues to go up. Well, the judge decided that the alimony will stay untouched because the boyfriend could bail at anytime, and that he's only paying a minimum amount to BM (supposedly) to live there. We all know she lied on her financial statements. Beyond that, she took a pay cut for work right after FH filed this and now the judge is like "well BM is making less than she was". Um, WTF, by her choice in order to avoid having alimony removed. Again...WTF! She's bought a new car, by her choice, but she can "barely" afford it. Give me a fucking break.

In regards to the custody and child support, he used to have EOW and Wednesdays, but after 2 years of doing that the kids kept begging for him to be closer and spend more time with him (BM was mostly leaving the kids alone or with this new BF that is a dirt bag to say the least). So, we put my house up for rent, moved 50 miles to their town and rent a house there. I still drive the 90 miles roundtrip to work though...but no one is compensating me for that are they? No.. anyway, we established a 50/50 schedule back in December that was chosen by the kids. However, BM rufuses to sign off on it legally becuase she doesn't want her child support reduced to about $300 from $1100. Pretty clear it's all about money. Well, today that was supposed to be adjusted and signed off by the judge, BUT the judge forgot to have the clerk include a piece of paper for a petition to change the custody. Although, 3 months ago when this got post-poned another 90 days because BM's paper work wasn't filed AT ALL with the courts prior to the date, the judge requested to do the alimony and custody stuff all at once. Today the fine judge says, "oh, it was a clerical, Mr. You Pay WAY too Much Out Your ASS, you will have to fill out such and such paperwork and refile for a new date. We should be able to see you in 60-90 days." UGH. So, he is still over paying child support. By the time something will be decided we're talking about almost $9,600 OVER what he should be paying. Do you think he'll get reimbursed? Hell no...because the guys are always getting screwed. He pointed out that he splits stuff with me and that he was honest with his financial statement, but the judge said he basically could have claimed that he pays the full amount. So...he can LIE? And a "fiance" can't just walk out anytime apparently, but a boyfriend can? Are you fucking kidding me.

So, basically the court crap still goes on, and BM walks out all smug. Seriously, when is this $$$ bleeding from FH going to end? How many more people can she move into her house to help her pay her bills (she at one time had her sister living there too), and keep living off of FH's money while he can't afford to pay most of his own bills, our wedding, vasectomy reversal, the list goes on and on and on.

There is so much more to what the judge said and what he didn't say, but basically, if he gets a petition he "might" sign it to approve even though BM said in court today "I am fine with 50/50, I just don't want it recognized by the court in case I feel like changing my mind." Um, you have joint custody you tampon don't have sole custody and make all the rules. Somehow even in 2010...judges still buy the bullshit from the BM's. I could puke...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Travel with my SD...awesome!

Sorry I've been so MIA lately. I have been up to my eyeballs in wedding stuff, travel, name it...I'm doing it!

I had the pleasure of having my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party in the town I grew up in. My mom, stepmom, mother-in-law to be, and friends all live there. I travel there a lot for work, so I was able to extend a work trip into a personal trip for the weekend too.

My SD13 has wanted to go see FH's parents there, but BM won't let them travel without an adult (a totally different story, but no time for that here). So, SD was given the option to travel with me. I booked my work trip, we discussed it with her, and made sure that she was ok with going (she's never been on a plane before and was totally freaked...I think it doesn't help that BM is afraid of flying). She said she really wanted to go, FH talked to BM, she reluctantly agreed to it, and bam...the ticket was purchased.

In the weeks leading up to the trip SD was getting increasingly nervous, but myself and FH fly a lot for work. Enough to have status and my SD and I got upgraded to first class on the way out of town. YAHOOOOOO! A 3 hour trip in first class is always super nice, and this would be a more relaxing way for SD to have her first plane ride. I made a list of stuff for her to pack and sent her an email beforehand (not just because I'm a total control freak, but her mom is a total moron about these things and I was picking her up from BM's house so she'd need to be ready to go). Let's just say that BM told SD that she didn't need to "follow SIT's list" because "she knew better" and SD was missing multiple things I spelled out that she would need. Oh well...not my problem.

We got to the airport and BM kept texting her. I finally asked her, "who do you think is more nervous about this or BM?" She's like, "mom for sure...she wants me to text her everywhere we are...I'm not nervous anymore, I'm just really excited for a new adventure." Good for you SD that you don't let your freak out mom get the best of you.

I walked her through the process of everything at the airport. Getting your boarding pass, going through security, finding your gate, checking out all the little shops, etc. I wanted her to love the process of travel, people watching, and becoming a grown young woman. She was loving it!

When we boarded the plane she was so excited to be in first class that she started to forget all about being nervous about flying. I talked her through take off, and then let her sit by the window (she thought she wouldn't want to look down so she gave it up at first). I sat there thinking to myself how cool it was that I was the one getting to experience this first time thing, and how she'll remember this for the rest of her life. Maybe from me she will get the love of travel. Lord knows she won't get it from her mom!

By the time we land at our destination, she is elated! She "loves" travel, and is so excited to be there. She is beaming, and almost forgets to call her mom. I made sure she did, and she couldn't stop telling her how "awesome" everything was. She only talked to her for about 5 minutes and then we went on to my in-laws house.

My in-laws are amazing. I have the best relationship with them, and they are so welcoming, funny, loving, and I'm always excited to see them. It's good for SD to see me get along with them...BM never really did.

The next day was my shower where my SD finally got to meet my mom, stepmom, and some friends she'd never met in the 3 years we've been together. She was a little overwhelmed for sure, but I think it was good for her to see a lot of positivity and support for the wedding. I know it was weird but she was nice to everyone and I was happy for her. I think for her to be happy about our wedding means she has to be ok with mom and dad not being together. She will never be happy about that, but she seems to really accept that. It's incredible really.

She spent the rest of her trip with grandma and grandpa while I went out for a crazy night of fun and then worked for 3 days. Then we met back up at the airport and flew home together. We didn't get upgraded (sad I know), but we did get to bond a lot and talk on the way home. I feel like we got a little closer from this trip, and it's a good feeling.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Birthday Shocker!

So, last night we celebrated my upcoming birthday with my skids. Because we don't usually have them for my birthday (by my request to have time alone with my FH for my birthday than with everyone) we celebrate it on a different day. This is the 3rd birthday of mine that I've known the kids for, and the first one they didn't do anything. Last year, they each got me something and we had cake with some prodding from my FH to do so. This year, they went above and beyond!

I got home from work, and SS14 met me at the car and carried my laptop bag in. Wow :) Then I walked into a house filled with streamers and at the end of the hallway my SD13 was waiting in an apron and holding a glass of wine. Thank you very much wine gods, I am shocked as she hands me this :) My FH was fast at work cooking dinner, and my favorite band "Coldplay" was playing on the stereo. My SD tells me to take my shoes off and come into the living room. When I get there she has set up a new foot bath/pedicure thing and has magazines laying on the couch and a foot stool with lotion next to it. She tells me that this is her gift and that she is going to give me a pedicure and massage my feet! NO FREAKIN' WAY! The girl doesn't even like giving me hugs and now she's going to touch my feet! I AM SHOCKED! While I sit back and relax I start thinking about how far things have really come in my relationship with the kids. I actually feel my eyes well up a little bit while I think about how all of my frustration and hardwork is paying off with a loving relationship with my FH and my skids. My fiance even lips to me that this was all her idea and how shocked he is. My SS tops off my wine as it gets low, and after almost an hour of a pedicure/massage dinner is ready. We eat a great meal and then SS gives me my gift. A shakeweight (which I knew it's what he would give me because he loves giving me As Seen on TV gifts that we make fun of...last year was a Snuggie). So, they make me do the 6 minute workout video that comes with it...let me say, that thing is harder than it looks and the chick on the video is creepy as hell. I think it might actually work a little though...

We have my favorite ice cream cake, watch a little Dexter, and my FH and I head to bed. What a great birthday from the skids this year. Seriously...I am one lucky lady!

Today I got up early and bought the kids each their favorite Starbucks and taking them to lunch. Something I had planned already as a surprise for them today, but then last night made me want to do it even more!