Wednesday, January 19, 2011
We have full exact 50/50, DH's child support was reduced to $457 instead of $1100 he was paying AND it is retroactive to August 2010. Which means she has to pay back about $4200!!!!!!!
It took a long time, but it was worth the wait and now we can move on with our lives. I'm so fucking excited now I could scream! Ok...actually I did scream WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO out loud when he called me :)
Karma is a bitch! And Karma just gave a big old ass whoopin' to the CF (cunt fungus).
I'm just so excited over this entire thing! I'm out of town for work and don't go home until late tomorrow night but glad DH was able to call me the second he got to his car :)
So, I know everyone loves the more details the better so here it goes!
If you aren't aware of the story you can read these links for blog posts to catch up.
#1.) going from EOW, moving and doing 50/50 - Sept 2009
#2.) court set back - July 2010
#3.) hearing - Oct 2010
**NOTE THAT I AM TRYING TO BEST REPEAT WHAT DH TOLD ME...I WAS NOT THERE, BUT WISH I WAS** :)
The short story is that we moved over an hour away from the house I own and where I work to be closer to the kids. Increased our expenses, drive time, and had to rent out my house and we had to rent where we live now. This was all for the kids because they made it clear they were unhappy with the current EOW arrangement and having dad so far away. Initially BM was thrilled. Thrilled until she realized her CS would get reduced if we increased our time with them. Initially DH didn't discuss the money part. He wanted to get to a schedule that the kids were happy with and that worked for everyone. BM "agreed" to this, but quickly had started making all the rules and trying to get DH to kiss her ass. He did for awhile but then the kids asked for it to be made into a solid plan in Feb 2010. DH, BM, and skids had all sat down at a local restaurant to listed to what the kids wanted. They said in a perfect world they would want Monday and Tuesdays with mom and Wednesdays and Thursdays with dad and EOW. This is what they all started doing. However, BM flat out REFUSED to make it legal. Stating that she "had her reasons" why not to. Um yeah...money. Greedy bitch. She was already getting overpaid since DH was making less and she was making more than what it was based on several years prior, but whatever.
She did EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING to drag this out. File late. Forget paperwork. Tell the judge the kids didn't want this. Everything to keep delaying every 3 months. The last court date the judge laid it out for her and told her exactly what he was going to do and that he did not want to see her back in court. Well, dummy dumbass decided she would rather take her chances. After Oct's court date DH tried to talk to her about it. She refused. Then a month ago her dirt bag boyfriend finally left her (and stole some of her shit on the way out) and really fucked her over. She got desperate and texted DH that she would agree to the current schedule if he wouldn't reduce child support. Thank you BM for showing all of your cards that it IS and ALWAYS has been about one thing...money. And thank you for doing it in texts and emails. At the time DH offered her $100 more than what the court calculator would have given her...$387...so $487. She responded that she would rather take her chances with the judge.
BIG MISTAKE! HUGE! (Think Pretty Woman...lol) A little over a week ago she filed her documents for court and handed them to DH (because she couldn't afford the postage...oh god.) We knew where this was all going. In her paperwork she not only said, "I agree to the visitation schedule (after previously saying she wasn't because she was fighting for the kids), but don't want child support to change. This would be in the best interest of the kids so I can keep a stable life for them." Does this not say..."it's all about the money" to you?
So, today DH started off with the back story again (same judge) and then that he tried to work it out with her and offer her more money but she would take her chances with the judge. The judge asked if that was what happened and she said yes.
He let her say her peace about why she thinking child support should stay the same and why she didn't want to change a few things in visitation. Prior to today we had the kids coming to our house on Wednesdays after school and then they would go to her house on Friday's after school. If it was our weekend we had to wait until 6pm to get them and then they would go home at 8pm on Sunday. Well...well...today the judge changed it to 6pm on Wednesdays and 6pm on Monday nights. Then when we don't have them...6pm on Wednesday to 6pm on Friday. SHE WAS PISSED! She likes them at her house on Fridays for the 4 hours after school before we get them to 1.) clean the house and do chores and 2.) because she comes home at 5:30 and can see them for 30 minutes. She FREAKED out and told the judge she can't go 5 days without seeing the kids. He said, "and you think DH should have to? His time is not less important that yours. Oh and DH is working from home and sees the kids, so you are going to take 4 hours of his time so you can see them for 30 minutes. Denied." I'm assuming lots of crying and poor me crap.
Then the judge discusses the reduction in child support. She was getting $1050 and the court calculator said about $387. The judge gave her $450 a month to give her a little more. She was livid. Said she can't pay her bills, will be evicted, might have to move to another town where she wouldn't be able to give DH the 50/50. The judge told her that if she moves she still needs to do the 50/50 and get the kids to him (funny thing is they would not move with her because they would stay with us than rather change schools). The judge asked DH what he thought about this, and he said, "well, she can cut back on cable, cell phone, find a cheaper place, and get a 2nd job while I have the kids 50% of the time...plenty of single parents do this." The judge said, "seems reasonable to me". Then he told her, "I understand your predicament, but this is not DH's problem. He is not responsible to pay for your decisions."
Then the best part. The cherry on top. The freakin' billion calorie whipped cream...
The judge orders it to be retroactive to August of 2010. She thinks 2011...but the judge quickly tells her, "no...August 2010. You will need to set up a payment plan to pay back DH. Moving forward this will reduce on his next paycheck." She immediately loses it and starts freaking out about how is she going to do that, that doesn't give her any time to make any changes and that she will end up on the streets. BLAH BLAH BLAH. DH said he was SHOCKED! We hoped the judge would make her pay him back, but he NEVER EVER even asked for it or mentioned it. YAY JUDGE! He obviously saw though her shit to drag it out and was not having it.
Seriously ladies...this is major. She got totally fucked...up the ass...with no lube. DH and the judge warned her, but she was too greedy, self involved, and felt entitled. This just PROVES that Karma is a bitch (or a stepchick...because honestly without all of you ladies I'm not sure DH would have taken this risk) and that she should have done what was right by the kids and not by her.
As they left the court she told DH he was a "fucking bastard". Uh huh...have a nice day bitch.
Then he texted her saying "I want to discuss some minor modifications to visitation. Let me know when you calm down." She basically said "you got everything you wanted...aren't you happy now?" He said he wanted to discuss the kids coming on Wednesday after school instead of 6pm and going to her house Mondays after school instead of 6pm. She said, "well, then I want Sunday nights back." He told her she has no room to demand anything and that she would be best to work with him or he'll do nothing for her. He reminded her that he has all the control now and that she better not be a bitch to him or he'll just leave it as is. So, we agreed to tell her that he will let her know on Saturdays if we have nothing going on (ie: I want a night alone with my hubby) then she can have them at 8pm, but if we have plans or don't want to...then no. So, really...whatever WE want.
He is so excited to finally have the power. She has held it over him for so freaking long and he's finally feeling like he can breathe without working about her.
I'm out of town, but the kids got there after school and SS15 immediately asked, "how was your day?" He's like, "good...why?" SS is like, "really good or what? you had court with mom today right?" DH says, "yeah, I'm really good. I got 50/50 like we discussed." SS then asked, "does this mean mom's cs is going to go down? because she can't afford that." DH told SS that the judge uses a calculator depending on what she makes and he makes and number of days. Yes, it's going down, but that's how it works. That mom is going to have to make some lifestyle changes and change how she spends money. That she might need to get another job while they are with him. SS seemed to understand and then said, "well if she gets evicted it's not like we are too...we can live here with you." Exactly. Thank god the kid had a brain in his head.
DH said that SD seems quieter than usual, but I'm sure mom was "depressed" when she talked to her and SD always feels bad. Either way, they will work through it, and the biggest thing is they know they can always live at our house if BM's life implodes on her. They both know that BM had 17 months to work this out with DH outside of court and that she fought him and wouldn't compromise on anything, and now the judge made the decisions.
I'm sure glad I'm not home right now. Just so that the dust can settle, but do wish I could pop open a bottle of champagne with my hubby. I get home late tomorrow night and fly back out for a girl's weekend Friday morning until Sunday night. I CAN'T WAIT TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!
This just goes to show that good things happen for good people. It might take a lot of time, but it can happen. GO DADS!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, January 14, 2011
So, we got married back in Oct. We had a FANTASTIC wedding. Kept it to about 45 people and had it on the coast of California.
It was very important for us to make sure SS15 and SD13 were very involved with the wedding.
SS15 and SD13 stood up with DH. We had them involved from the start. SD helped with cake tasting, looking through magazines with me, and loved her dress. I let her be involved with things that didn't make a huge difference to me because I wanted her to know she was part of this wedding too. SS was Best Man and he got to give a speech which he loved (he loves to be funny and the center of attention, but said a lot of nice things and had fun with it). We were engaged for a little over a year which gave them plenty of time to get used to it and accept the wedding and being part of it. This was a MAJOR help. Honestly, giving it time and involving them was probably the best thing we did to make for a happy day with them too.
I got into town the weekend before the wedding to do some last minute stuff and to relax with my family and try to calm all of my nerves. The weather was totally shitty when I got there, and I was freaking a little due to the fact that everything was outside. We were not prepared for rain, but thankfully the morning of the wedding there was not a cloud in the sky and it was crystal clear and blue.
DH and the kids arrived 2 days before the wedding. I did not want to have anything to do with getting them from BM. She had been on her worst behavior the closer it was getting to the wedding and I wasn't about to have her cause a scene that would set me off or cause me stress in anyway. Much less drive for several house with the skids in the car if they were in a mood. This was another GREAT decision on my part because I was perfectly happy and content in wedding mode with my family.
The kids knew my family and friends and immediately felt comfortable and welcome with everyone who was staying at the place with us. My dad and MOH were especially helpful in taking the kids under their wing when we needed them, and even when we didn't we would find the kids off with everyone having a great time on their own. Thank god my steppies are outgoing and easy to get along with people. Rehearsal dinner was great and so good to have the kids seeing everyone there for us. It was amazing having everyone there, and being able to have one last evening before the big day to mingle. DH gave gifts to the kids at the dinner and said such great things to them about how happy he was that they were there and standing with him the next day, and how much he loved them and respected them for being part of all of this. DH cried and so did SD. It was so sweet :) I was so thankful to my MOH who worked so hard to make everything beautiful and how she has accepted my DH and skids with open arms. Truly, I'm so lucky that most people have.
The day of the wedding I was getting my hair and make-up done and paid for SD to have hers done too. MOH, and all the moms were there too! It was interesting to have my own stepmom and mom talking to each other and SD told me later "there is no way you and mom would ever be like that when I get married". I just laughed and said, "probably not, but you never know...either way we'll get along for your sake". Let's hope that's true one day! SD was loving getting all done up and SS kept coming into the room to see everyone. It was funny for the other ladies to have a boy keep coming in there, but I thought it was really sweet that he wanted to be so part of things and see how I was doing. Eventually it was like one big party going on in my room. SD was sweet and thoughtful and told me how nice I looked and how she loved the dress. I think she might have even hugged me :)
When it came time for the ceremony I wasn't nervous at all...I was really anxious to get out there and see DH and everyone. I was so giddy with excitement! When MOH and SD were making their way out I was supposed to start getting into place with my dad, but then I saw some open seats in the front row and asked the coordinator to move a few people up. Unfortunately while doing this it made my dad and I late. I had no clue how late until after the wedding, but it was almost 2 minutes of everyone staring at an empty door. Yikes. In the video you see SS saying to DH, "dad, I don't think she's coming". Like he's comforting his dad. It was sweet and sad, but then I come out and everyone laughs and is happy. DH thought I was barfing my guts out somewhere, but turns out I was just being bossy.
I was so happy that day, and it was everything I imagined it to be. Everyone was happy and had fun. The vows were beautiful (we wrote our own) and the Reverend even included this kids in part of the ceremony which was unplanned by us, but I had asked him to read a quote by Richard Bach that says, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." It was perfect for us and he made it very sweet and sentimental.
After the ceremony we took tons of pictures and they all turned out so great and even the kids were all smiles.
We had a blast at the reception and although I had a few friends who were busy hugging the heat lamps, most everyone got out and danced with us all night.
Despite all of the stress and worry about what would or wouldn't happen...it all went better than I could have imagined and I'm so happy I married my DH and became a wife and stepmom all in one day.
My husband is the most amazing partner I could have in this life. He listens to me, loves me, respects me, and always has my back. He knows when to push me and when to let things go. He is kind, caring, and thoughtful of others, and supportive of everything I want to do. He's such a great dad to his kids by loving them and teaching them life lessons and making them responsible young adults. He has encouraged and helped foster the great relationship I have with SS and SD. I have no doubt that I will live a happy life with him and add to this family with children together. I am so happy to have him as my husband!