Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Lots of time with the kids!

Sorry that I've been so lax in my posts lately! There has been so much mama drama with the BM, but it's all worked itself out at this point (as much as any BM drama can be worked out). She was constantly holding visitation time over the love of my life's head and him and the kids finally got fed up. The kids asked for a sit down meeting with them and both parents so that they could tell them the visitation they want and want everyone to stick to. It's 50/50 but now with set nights during the week and every other weekend. Before she was "letting" him see the kids when it worked for her, and the kids were sick of never knowing what was going on. This is what we wanted in a schedule, but she wouldn't agree and kept insisting to let the kids make the decision. Well, IN YOUR FACE!!!, the kids made their decision and it was exactly what we knew they would want...a more structured schedule. Not only did the love of my life and the kids get what they wanted, but the kids also listed some of their new rules for their parents. Mostly everything was about not bad mouthing each other or putting them in the middle (which the kids kept saying wasn't really aimed at dad but more at mom), and then they talked about wanting quality time spent with them when they are around. Again...not an issue with dad, but with mom. They told her how they were tired of hearing her excuses of being busy or tired, and that sitting around watching movies while she sleeps on the couch is not quality time. It seems like she was shocked that they finally spoke up and put her in her place. They also made many comments about her inability to be a mature adult and be nice to me and their dad. She rings the bell and runs to the car when she picks them up, she never says hello, and is always talking shit about us. The kids see that we are always nice to her and her BF even if she's rude to us. She's making herself look like crap and the kids are finally taking notice.

So, now we have a set schedule that is in the middle of being filed with the courts. The kids have told them both that if they can't make it happen, they will have no problem telling the courts what they want. I think we've turned a major corner here! The kids are finally sticking up for their dad and standing up for what they believe is right. Now that we know exactly what days we have them and he doesn't have to talk to the BM all the time and fight about it...things have calmed down considerably in our house. It's so great that he can now tell her to just shove it when she tries to punish him by not seeing the kids. No more caving to her every whim, and the kids seem more settled.

Right now...times are good!!


  1. This is so wonderful to hear! Too often kids are afraid to tell one parent what they think and feel, because they don't want to hurt them. Hopefully BM can see this is what the kid want and stick to it. And it isn't like it is unreasonable. They put the same rules in place for both parents.

    I know we had a lot less drama once we got the rules for custody straightened out. Granted we had to get a judge to order it because BM wanted to decide the schedule a week at a time so we could never make plans.

    Hopefully this will relieve a lot of stress in your lives!

  2. We have had similar experiences to this... the custody being decided weekly depending on if BM had something going on. We also did get it worked out, but without the kids' or a judge's input. Ironically enough, what we wanted was also the most convenient for us, the BM, and for the kids.

    I like how you mentioned "quality time". I think this is definitely lost on my stepkids' BM as well. We try to make our time with the kids special, not just for their sake, but for ours too, and their BM does the same thing.. pop in a movie while sleeping on the couch. Making the kids take naps in her bed. Going to bed before the kids do and making the kids put themselves to bed. It seems like she's depressed (although things in her life are going really well right now), but she might just be lazy and selfish too... who knows.

    Congrats on getting your schedule worked out in your favor!