Last week I finally hit the 12 week mark!!!! (Very big deal for anyone who knows what I went through over 6 months ago.)
We have been waiting to tell family and friends this time until the 12 week mark and that includes the skids. Since we have them 50/50 on a 5-2-2-5 plan we wanted to tell them at the start of a 5 day visit to give them time to take it all in with us and not just tell them and drop them off with their their negative mother.
My skids are SD14 and SS16 and they have always been clear that they are not supportive or happy about the idea of us having a baby. We told them last April that we were going to start trying, but they never knew about the last pregnancy and miscarriage so to them this would be the first time.
We had decided that we would sit down together and tell them. We always tell them big things together (ie: getting married, moving, etc.) and I just didn't feel ok with just DH telling them. So, we let them get home from school, do their homework, tell us about their day, and DH took SS driving. Before dinner we were all kinda hanging out around the table so they sat down and DH told them, "guys there is something we want to share with you and want you to be one of the first people to know...TS is pregnant and we are having a baby in August." Then SD says "hmmm, well congrats you guys..." and SS doesn't really say anything. Then SD says, "I kinda had a feeling, but didn't want to say anything. I did tell my friends a few weeks ago that I think my stepmom is pregnant." SS finally piped up and said, "well, I"m not happy about this, but you already know that...so I'm just hoping it's a boy so that I can do boy things with him".
We went on to have quite the discussion with them. Mostly things like making it clear that they will not be required to care for the baby and babysit unless they wanted to. That we wouldn't push our responsibility of the baby on them, but what we did require is that they are nice and they are open minded to having a brother or sister. My SS has said in the past that this wouldn't be a "REAL" brother or sister, but I finally got to use a friend's saying "well, a 1/2 a glass a milk is still milk right? So, a 1/2 brother or sister is still a brother or sister." He was like, "well, I guess you are right, but I don't know about this."
We gave them each an ultrasound pic, told them they can do whatever they want with it, but if they destroy it I better not see that. SD wanted to keep hers and SS gave it back saying "I really don't want this and don't want to destroy it."
Eventually we started joking around about stuff and then they started asking about my drinking and telling them how it was all fake and they asked if I've had cravings or been sick. They also wanted to know that if I start craving lots of ice cream if they will get some too :) We also told them that we are going to involve them in things, but we will not force them. That they will be invited to an ultrasound, they will be asked to help with names, baby room stuff, toys, etc but that we won't be shoving it down their throats. They already started talking about toys that the baby has to have and what they would like to do with the baby.
So, all in all it went well. I'm glad we told them together and we kept it upbeat and added a lot of humor to it. They immediately started texting all of their friends and then telling us they were saying congrats.
However, I don't think they told BM...they never called her last night and I think if they would have texted it to her she would have been blowing up their phones. Maybe they are dreading her finding out. Who knows. For now, we'll enjoy the peace and quiet and that everyone we love knows.