So, the morning of our trip we set out for a 6 hour car ride. I was under the impression it was more like 5 hours, but who's counting? Surprisingly the kids were fairly bright-eyed and ready to go. It must be something to do with the excitement of vacation...because they are never awake and happy before 11am most times.
To be completely honest, I actually look forward to this kind of time with the love of my life and the kids. We do a lot of talking, laughing, and joking around. It's time where everyone gets to know each other even more, and we are bonding and building new memories together. Memories that include me, and us together as our new crazy family :)
During car rides we always end up discussing things we normally don't. With a 12 and 13 year old this can really mean anything! For one, the boy brings up when a woman's clock is ticking. What he doesn't realize is that he's talking about a woman's sexual peak. Here's how the conversation goes:
The boy, "so, I hear that a woman's clock starts ticking at about 35. You are 31 which means it's going to happen soon."
Me, "no, the clock should be ticking now. I thought you don't want us to have a baby...have you changed your mind?"
The boy, "no, I still don't want you to have a baby. But a guy's clock starts ticking at 18"
Me, "um...I think you are talking about something else...there is no way a guy wants to start having babies at 18".
At this point I realize what he is talking about, and I bust out laughing...
Me, "oh Boy, you are talking about sexual peak. Which is when men and woman most want to have sex. A clock ticking is about having babies."
The boy, "oh....(awkward silence)...so, when you are 35 I'm going to be 18."
EWWWWWWWWWWW EWWWWWWWW EWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Me, "um, that is correct, but you really shouldn't be thinking of me that way."
Did I say EEWWWWWWWWWWWW??????????
The boy, "yeah, my mom would really not be happy about that."
Me, "no shit, and neither would I or your dad."
The girl, "this is sick...I'm so embarrassed"
Better topics included gossip about the BM.
Supposedly she has all of these amazing things planned for the last week of summer before they go back to school. A trip to the Grand Canyon, paintballing, shopping, etc. We'll see how much of that happens. What's funny is all the new rules that have been put into action since the BM's boyfriend has moved in.
#1.) The new diet. So, we all know about how the BM put the girl on a Lemonade Detox Diet, but now the whole "family" is starting a fresh diet of nothing but organic meats and veggies. No snacks, no treats, nothing. Not ever. What's funny is how the kids talk about how horrible it is. I agree that they should be eating better, but we all know that a major radical change is not going to last. Plus, they are kids...they should have some treats here and there. When the love of my life points this out the girl says, "well, we do get a treat...we get to have a sweet potato once a week with brown sugar on it." Ahahahahahahahaha. He says, "yeah, that's the same thing as cake. Would you like a sweet potato for your birthday?" This became the new joke for the week. Anytime someone would mention getting ice cream or something, we would say, "would you like a sweet potato instead?" Funny that no sweet potatoes were eaten on vacation.
#2.) The new chores for allowance. At our house we have been offering the kids allowance on weekends and full weeks they are with us. They each have a few things on their list that are reasonable for the amount of time they are with us, and they get paid if they complete without being asked. At home they now have this new chart. They each have a very long list of chores that need to be done EVERY SINGLE DAY. Not weekends, but Monday through Friday. The only thing not on the list is cleaning the BM's bedroom and bathroom. Otherwise, all of the yard maintenance, full house dusting, taking care of pets, vacuuming, dishes, their rooms and bathroom, etc are all on the list. The chores all have to be done by 7pm and to the BM's satisfaction or they don't get paid. The pay is $5 a day. This would be a great deal for the kids ($100 a month per kid) if it wasn't for these few facts.
- The boy has an extracurricular activity on Monday nights. The girl is usually not home then either.
- Wednesday nights they spend with their dad.
- Every other Friday night they will be with their dad.
- The BM and the boyfriend are essentially doing nothing to take care of the house.
The best part is the boy tells us, "yeah, mom's BF told mom that if we didn't do one thing right we shouldn't get paid for the entire week. We were like..."shut up buddy". Then last week we started on Monday and on Thursday night mom says, "you know you aren't getting paid this week...it's just a trial week"...we were ripped off." So, of course they didn't do anything on Friday since they knew they weren't getting paid. Then the girl said, "well, they did take us to Olive Garden for dinner." The boy was like, "um, I wanted my $25, not a pasta dinner." The love of my life says, "well, that's nice...the $50 they should have paid you for chores actually took her and the BF out to dinner...good job guys." They are still bitter about it. I think it's funny that she's trying to pony up $200 a month for chores to the kids, but she can't even get the girl a $15 bathing suit. The only way she's offering that kind of money is because she knows she won't have to pay it. What a bitch...
Another great car ride moment:
A song the kids love: "Blinded by the Light" by Manfred Mann. They love to sing "wrapped up like a douche." What kid doesn't laugh at that? Actually, what adult doesn't still think he's saying douche? I've either been hanging around them too long, or I'm 13 also...I can't stop giggling.Thank god we finally made it to our destination. We stretched our legs, headed into my uncle's house, and hit the pool!
Stay tuned for some highlights and memorable moments from our first family vacation!