How to deal with a stepmom

A friend of mine forwarded this...it's funny, but unfortunately so true... The Stepkids Handbook on How to Deal with a Stepmom:

• If a Stepmother gives her stepchildren gifts, she's trying to buy your affections.


• If a Stepmother doesn't give her stepchildren gifts, she's cold and withholding (and cheap. Makes you wonder why she married your Dad...)

• If a Stepmother tries to engage a stepchild in conversation, she's pushy and probing.


• If a Stepmother backs off and does her own thing, she's cold and unwelcoming.

• If the Stepmother's house is untidy, feel sorry for Dad for having to live in such a mess.


• If the Stepmother's house is clean, feel sorry for Dad for having to put up with such an uptight shrew.

• If Dad wants to see you regularly, it's just the Stepmother trying to play "happy families" and replace your Mother.


• If Dad doesn't want to see you regularly, then the stepmother is trying to push you out of his life.

• Stepmothers should have their own kids and stop trying to steal the first wife's children away from her by being so nice.


• Stepmothers shouldn't have their own kids because the first kids will feel abandoned and won't get all Dad's money, time and attention.

• If you ask Dad for money and he gives it to you, it's the stepmothers fault you had to ask in the first place. Dad should have just known, and he would have given you more than you asked for if it wasn't for her.


• If you ask Dad for money and he says "no", it's because the stepmother is controlling the finances behind the scenes.

• If the stepmother organizes a holiday, it's never where you want to go, or what you want to do (even if you said it was before, you are entitled to change your mind).


• If the stepmother doesn't take you on holiday, she's just plain selfish and cheap.. and Dad would have taken you anywhere you wanted, if not for her.

• If the stepmother asks you to dress nicely for Dad's birthday dinner, she's being controlling (so dress as badly as you like to prove to her she isn't the boss).


• If the stepmother doesn't take you out for Dad's birthday dinner (and pay for it all.. somewhere expensive, with no thanks), she's trying to exclude you from Dad's life.

• If the stepmother let's you disrespect her, she's trying too hard (so you can be rude because she deserves what she gets).


• If the stepmother insists on basic respect and civility, she's a bitch.

• If your Dad can't pay his bills, then the stepmother isn't budgeting his money properly (Dad was doing fine before she came along, even if he was sleeping on the street).


• If your Dad sets any budget or limit on something you want, it's really the stepmother controlling him, because he'd just give you absolutely everything otherwise. If the dishes aren't done, it's the stepmothers fault.

• If it's Dad's job to do the dishes and they aren't done, then the Dad is obviously a slave in his own home and that's the stepmothers fault. (This also goes for hedge trimming, car maintenance.. any domestic duty, really).


• It's unfair for your Dad to have to do any chores at all. She should have to do everything, that's what she signed up for when she married a man with kids.)

• If the stepmother treats you like an honoured guest, you don't feel like family and she shouldn't have married your Dad if she couldn't accept his family.


• The stepmother has no right to treat you like family because she simply isn't your family and never will be. Family are expected to do stupid things like clean up after themselves, and obviously you shouldn't have to do that.

• Any positive interaction between a stepmother and her own children is sickening and fake, if she isn't spoiling her children entirely.


• Any negative interaction between a stepmother and her own children just goes to show what a bad mother she is.

• Stepmothers are never sick. They just pretend to be so they get your Dad's time and attention away from you.


• Stepmothers who hardly ever get sick are still hypochondriacs. Any illness your stepmother does contract is somehow her own fault, which entitles her to derision, never sympathy (and god forbid she get any help, especially from your Father).

• If your stepmother lends you something of hers, she has no right to expect it back in one piece, in a reasonable time frame, or at all, really.


• If you stepmother won't lend you something of hers, she's a selfish miserable bitch with trust issues.

• If you take something of your stepmother's it isn't stealing. When she dies, it will all go to Dad, and when he dies, it will all go to you. As she's "dead to you" already, you might as well have her stuff now.


• If you do steal something from your stepmother, then she has no right to complain, as your Dad should have spent that money on you, and she had too many of whatever it was anyway. Even if she only had one, from before she was married.

• If your stepmother cooks, it's guaranteed that the food with be terrible. The better it is, the more you need to find something wrong with it.If your stepmother doesn't cook, she's a lazy bitch.


• Anything that your Dad cooks is automatically fantastic, poor man.Just remember, everything she does is wrong, because it's all her fault. As long as you give her that much power, you'll have someone else to blame for every bad thing in your life.