Monday, April 11, 2011

Telling the stepkids we are going to try to have a baby

Oh lordy...I have been stalling on writing this blog because it wasn't exactly the happiest moment of my life...

So, a few weeks ago the kids started noticing that I haven't been drinking alcohol. I'm not an alcoholic, but I do like to have a drink with meals or here and there sitting on the back patio on a nice day. We were out to dinner and SD13 was giving me this crazy look when dad ordered a beer and I ordered water. This is not the first time she has noticed or commented, and the kids have seen my prenatals and I've said in the past "we're going to try to have a baby someday so better for me to start now". This look though was like I was deciving her. I think she might have thought I was already pregnant. So, I just flat out said, "yes SD13, your dad and I are going to try to have a baby, we are currently trying for that to happen". Well, all hell kinda broke loose (I'm so glad we were in a loud restaurant). SS15 immediately says, "NO NO NO...this is TOO soon! You said like 2 years after you got married!!! Dad hasn't even had a reversal!!!" My hubby quickly told them about 2 years to have the baby, and maybe he did have a reversal but it's none of their business (we don't feel it's necessary to tell them we are doing IVF)...not 2 years to get pregnant. SS15 still freaking out starts going on and on about how horrible this will be and then says, "SIT, the day I find out you are pregnant is goign to be the worst day of my life", SD says "yeah, mine too!" I really wanted to slap them, cry, run out, but didn't. I just held it together and said, "well, I guess you should be prepared to have your life ruined."

We started talking to them about how just because we have a baby it doesn't mean they would be ignored or forgotten. They quickly reminded me how they have stated many times that they do not want their dad having more kids, to which I quickly said "I'm sorry, but that is not your is your dad's and mine." They said it should be their decision because they are the kids and have to share dad. Then, in the middle of all of this, a baby starts crying behind SD. She's like, SEE! SEE! This is what I have to look forward to...just great!" Then SS starts talking about how they will never sleep and fail classes and blah blah blah. (Shit that I know BM planted in their brains when we first started loosly talking about this a few years ago). I told them that I will get them really good ear plugs.

We eventually finished and went home. The rest of the night was pretty much business as usual. Since then DH has had a 1-on-1 talk with SD about relaxing about the whole thing and that he will not tollerate a lot of negatity about a positive thing. That we are excited to have a baby together and that this is my first time and that she needs to either shut her mouth if she has nothing nice to say or tell him later. That we are not going to be made to feel bad because we want to add to the family. He plans on having a similar talk with SS when he gets a chance. I have to really love my hubby...he totally backs me up on how to deal with their bullshit. This is more about them being selfish teenagers and all about how it will affect them vs. how this is something positive to add to the family. Frankly, they are old enough with their own lives starting that they will hardly be around for most of what happens. It's just plain straight up jealousy that dad will have a kid with him 24/7 and them only 50% of the time. He is really good about being attentive to them now...yes, some of that will change, but not the way they think like he'll forget who they are. As my husband says...."the proof is in the pudding"....


  1. Wow... this is something I'm really apprehensive about doing. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope treatment works out for you. The skids will come round, I'm sure there were tantrums from the older one when the 2nd was born too!

  2. My only regret is that we could not have done this journey more together. :) But I am still excited that we get to at least be pg together for however short that turns out to be (in my case not yours). I think Jet is a short timer...maybe next week. :)