Friday, July 10, 2009

When changes get made to the visitation schedule...

I'm not a very religious person, but someone told me a joke once..."How do you make God laugh?" The answer..."Plan ahead". I think this also rings true for any kind of family where kids are involved.

Anyone who knows me knows that I live by my calendar. I love to have things planned, and I try to make sure I have everything scheduled accordingly...
  • The weekends we have the love of my life's kids
  • Our summer schedule of when we have the kids
  • Their school events or other events that involve the kids
  • My work travel schedules
  • The love of my life's work travel schedules
  • Social events
  • Work events
  • Birthdays
  • Holidays
You get the picture. Before I plan anything, I have to consult the Outlook calendar to be sure it doesn't conflict with any of the previously mentioned things. Almost always it has to revolve around the scheduling of when we have the kids and when we don't have the kids.

As most stepmoms will tell you, having a schedule can prove to be a big waste of time. Just when you think you are getting the kids on a Friday night, you find out that one or both have other plans they would like to make. Usually the BM has a conflict in whether or not she can pick up or drop off the kids and when. This week was already going to be tricky because we have them for our 3rd week of 4 weeks of summer visitation (a total of 7 days). The girl was going to come a few days after the boy since she has a sleepover she wanted to attend, but now of course 12 hours before the boy is supposed to get picked up...he too has something he wants to do and not come until the next day. We were all ready to start telling the kids about the engagement, and as the time started to anxiety has been on high. Only to now have 2 more days to wait to tell them.

I should be 110% happy about this. I get 2 more nights alone with the love of my life before having the kids for a week straight. Not to mention that I will be gone the day (at the spa celebrating my engagement) they are now supposed to arrive (removing my irritation of the BM being late). This also helps that we will be able to tell the kids together at the same time now instead of one before the other. It seems like it all works out. However, it still bugs me a little. We spent yesterday making sure that we had the grocery shopping done in time for their arrival, and now next weekend we will have them longer than planned to make up for the lost time.

I look forward to when the kids are coming. It's the strangest relationship to me sometimes because we spend so much personal time together when they are there, but then when they are gone...I don't talk to them the entire time. As much as I get excited that they are coming...I also have to mentally prepare for their arrival. Because of the fact that we don't talk for generally 2 full weeks they bombard me the second we see each other. "We have to tell you this" "let me tell you that" "listen to me" "look at me" "talk to me" "let me follow you around like a puppy dog". I'm happy they are so excited to tell me things and show me things, but it can be overload at first when you've had a house full of silence for a few weeks. From the second they arrive they expect that you will be entertaining them 24x7 for the next however many days they are there. Going to bed early (10pm...which is NOT early for me given I have a day job) seems unacceptable to them. Best are their circus act. Preparing for them to arrive is like I'm preparing for a big family visit. What food do we have? Which nights am I going to make sure I have plans outside of the house so they have time alone with their dad (and time away for me)? Which nights will we commit to doing something particular with them? Because trust me...they will want to know exactly how the week is planned out the minute they walk in the door. In this respect...maybe they are like me. Always wanting to "have a plan". I can respect that. What drives me crazy is that everyone else can change the plan at a moments notice...and I'm the one who is just along for the ride. If the love of my life called the BM or the kids to tell them that plans had to be changed because of me...OMG...WW3 would bust out.

I just really want to tell the kids about the engagement. I'm ready. I'm more than ready. I'm nervous, excited, anxious, worried, scared...but most I just can't wait to see how it all plays out. Just a few more days...a few more!

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I could have written this myself. I am SUCH a planner and I freak when plans change - I'm working on it. LOL But yes, being at the mercy of the BM's schedule is EXTREMELY frustrating and there isn't much you can do about it as a SM but go along for the ride. And I also COMPLETELY know what you mean about mentally preparing for the kids arrival. It goes back to the living two lives that I blogged about awhile back - two different lives makes for some interesting ping pong of the mental state :)