Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The BM going to my gym!

We live in the same town as the BM (which is very small), and I'm always looking over my shoulder wherever I go, and have tried to find places to go that I won't run into her or her BF. I have a membership at a gym that is at least 20 minutes from us and not in the same town. There are 2 locations I go to...one by work (which is an hour away) and the one that's 20 minutes from our house because it's in between work and home. The gym is my sanctuary from everything. It's where I go to feel better and destress. It's the only thing I have that's really mine that BM doesn't go near...she is not a gym person at all (neither is the BF) so I've always felt like this is a safe place to never see her. About 6 months ago I added my FH and the skids to the membership, and although I go on a fairly regular basis, they don't always go as often or with me.

Well, last night (after a particularly stressful day) I met my FH at the gym for a kickboxing class. I get out of the locker room to head to class and my FH informs me that he just saw BM, her BF, and the kids. WTF?!?! I go into the class but see them outside of the class working out the entire time. Yes, I imagine I'm punching the crap out of both the BM and the BF, but I am near tears feeling like I now have no place that is mine. The other thing that really pisses me off is the fact that we are the ones paying for the kids, and now BM is taking them there. It makes me want to shut the kid's memberships down. Not to mention the fact that it was MY thing to add them to the membership and when we go SD wants to hang out with me...now I'm going to have to hear about how her lazy ass mom knows best about everything at the gym. UGH.

At the end of class I bolted out of there and just wanted to get in my car and go home. FH was talking to my SS14 and I stopped to talk, and he was acting so weird. Like he'll get in trouble for talking to us if mom sees him. She's always made the kids feel that way, and it's so uncomfortable. Another reason we don't like running into them. Also, I find it odd that the kids never mentioned they were going there...SS said they've been going for a few weeks now.

Yes, I know that this is public space, but seriously...there are a million other gyms and ones less expensive and closer to the house, but they have to come to my turf? It's just maddening!

When I got home I ended up crying and having a meltdown to my FH about how I feel like I have no space from all of them. How I have to share everything. Him, the kids, our town, my grocery store, and now MY gym! He just hugged me and let me cry for about 10 minutes. I know he can't help any of this, but it makes me start to wish we never moved closer to the kids. Part of me wishes we still lived on the other side of town (an hour away) and had the kids every other weekend instead of 50/50. The other part of me knows how much better off the kids are with both my FH and I by having 50/50. They have had such an improvement in their quality of life and their attitudes/grades/etc since we moved closer. It's just that sometimes I get sick of doing everything that's best for them when it's not always best for us or me.

All we can hope for is that she doesn't keep going for very long. I am not going to let her stop me from going there, and I will just make sure I kill her with kindness if I see her there and hope she'll stop going. My FH said that she joined 5 different gyms while they were married and never went to them longer than a month. Here's to hoping she'll quit.


  1. Ugh! The Kid's mom goes to my gym too...or, at least she's a member there. She hardly goes. And like you, the gym is what saves me from killing her, and my husband, and my dog etc. etc. Every time we run into each other she has to make a scene, gasping and fidgeting, like it's such a horror to see me. I always smile and wave, because I know it drives her batty. She usually ignores me. If it's any consolation, I held fast to my gym schedule even though it was similar to hers and she's either amended her sched or she's not going to the gym anymore. I've seen here there twice in about 8 months. (But the anxiety that she could walk in at any time still bothers me.)

  2. Ugg. That would be so frustrating. To have one "safe" space for you be violated that way. I also understand how the kids can be weird when BM is around - I have that trouble too. I agree with "Eyes Wide Open," stick to your schedule, us stepmoms are accommodating to so many other ways. Make the gyms YOURS!

  3. Like the other folks said, stick with your schedule and if you see her, smile and wave and keep it movin'. If she hasn't been committed to the gym in the past, she probably won't go very long, and seeing you there will surely make her either quit or find a new time to workout.

    And hey, maybe you can even take this as a compliment. Maybe the kids went to her place and ranted and raved about what a dedicated gym person you are, and now she wants to be like you!

  4. Wow - that stinks! However, I agree with the other ladies.. you should stick to your schedule. They already "control" so much of our lives it seems.

    It appears that she has a bad track record with gyms, so at least you have that on your side!

  5. This sounds just like something my boyfriend's ex would do! What is it about following us around that makes some BM's hearts go pitter-patter?

    You were there first. It is YOUR gym. Keep it. If she wants to trot after you like a dimwit puppy, let her. Wave to her, smile, show you you are comfortable in YOUR gym, then go get your workout without a second thought. She is not worth it. Don't let her take control from you that is not even hers.