Sunday, March 28, 2010

An evil stepmom moment turned good in the end

So, my SD12 is about to be 13. She has been talking a lot about wanting a new look, and how she is so tired of her hair, clothes, etc. Her mom is trying to keep her a little kid forever, which is fine if my SD wasn't feeling crappy about herself and getting picked on from time to time. This girl needs a boost of confidence FAST!

I tell her that for her 13th birthday I'm going to take her to a real salon to get her hair done and then we will go shopping for a few new outfits and a little bit of make up (lip gloss and mascara) nothing crazy. She is really into this whole thing, and I book her appointment with my hair dresser for the same time that I'm going. She's been talking about a bunch of different styles and looking in magazines, and wanting highlights. Something different from what she has (which frankly makes her look like a mini version of her mom...and it's not flattering). She's been doing this whole "part down the middle and bangs straight down" thing for several months now and it hasn't gotten her many compliments...and just continues to make her look like a little kid.

So, the day is finally here. I pick her up from school and we head out. She's excited but nervous. My fiance was worried that BM would take her before me when she caught wind of it, and I told him "yeah right...the BM hasn't done a single thing for her in the time we've been together...I'm not worried about it." Of course the BM didn't do a thing, but I can tell that my SD is worried about something. When we get to the salon and I start telling my lady what SD12 would like to have done, SD starts freaking out and changing her mind. At first I think it's only because she's nervous about a new style, so I give her an extra push (which is what SD always needs to do something new). She starts freaking out when I tell her that we are going to do the highlights and that they will wash out in a few weeks, or can be changed if she really doesn't like them. Her face starts getting REALLY red and she starts yelling at me that it's her hair and she can do whatever she wants and I can't force her. I say that she's been talking about doing the highlights forever, what changed? She says "nothing, I just changed my mind yesterday". Uh huh... Then she finally spills the beans and says, "mom said I'm not allowed to have them done." I remind her that it's something dad and I are ok with and she's with us 50% of the time as well, and that her mom isn't the one getting them that it's her hair. She says, "I know, but mom said that since I have sensitive skin the dye could irritate my scalp and give me an allergic reaction and die." I say, "die? really?" SD12 says, "yeah...what if I die?"

Ok, ok, ok..."you aren't going to die, I can promise you that you won't. I'm sorry you are so scared, but look at all of these women here...they aren't here to die either." I tell her that it's her hair and she can do what she wants with it (within reason...she's barely doing anything and it looks like she's just been in the sun for a few weeks). She's like, "if I get in trouble I'm going to blame you." I tell her that's a deal and that I will take all the blame. That she can tell BM that I forced her and held her down and I'm a huge bitch. I also say, "honey....your mom already hates me...let her hate me some what YOU want". She laughs and finally people stop looking at me like the evil stopmom who is forcing my SD to do something she doesn't want to do.

Now, let me just say that normally I wouldn't just go against the BM so blatantly, but the thing is that my SD is going to be 13. Her mom buys her clothes from a hunting store. She won't let her wear lip gloss, and she is getting picked on. I want SD to be happy and feel good about herself.

On the way home she calls her mom (because she only has until 10pm and we are running late). BM kept saying over and over that she misses her and finally SD was like, "I miss you too mom...gosh, I'll see you tomorrow". And then looks at me and rolls her eyes. She was telling her mom how awesome her hair was and how much she liked the cut (didn't mention the highlights), and her mom changed the subject and started talking about something else. I could tell that SD wanted to share how excited she was, but also that her mom wasn't going to be excited that I was the one to do anything for her daughter. NEWS could get off of your ass and do something yourself to help your daughter, but you are too lazy so someone has to do it.

SD couldn't stop talking about it to me and to my FH and her brother when she got home. The next day she was so excited to go to school and show everyone and asked for my help in the morning. I got her to take a picture with me before school, and all she said was "please don't put it on Facebook" doesn't want her mom to know we take pics together :)


  1. What a cutie! So glad you were able to do that for her, I bet that meant the world. Sad her BM couldn't just let you two share in the moment. She could do it if she wanted but she chooses not to, so why the jealousy?
    I wish my stepson was a girl from time to time, I would love to do that stuff with him! Super cute

  2. Too bad her mom doesn't realize what she is doing to her own daughter by making those kinds of comments. And its sad because that is going to cause SD to feel like she needs to hide things from her mom. Glad that you were able to have a fun day with her, and help her to have a little more confidence!

  3. That is unbelievably pathetic that her mother actually told her she could die if she went with you to get highlights! What a shallow bitch.

    I took one of my stepdaughters to get a haircut after it became evident that even though she is only with us maybe 15-20% of the time, no other adult in her life was going to cut the unmanagable, overgrown mop of curls. Even though we always have to trim the kids' fingernails, teach them to brush their teeth (yes, apparently much of the time they aren't expected to do that), and other basic hygience matters, it turned into World War 3 when eyes were laid upon her new, clean, cute haircut.

    The issue, of course, isn't hair. It is jealousy, pettiness, and downright stupidity. It's bad enough we are exposed to this nonsense; it's beyond shameful the kids are too.