Monday, March 1, 2010

Update...opening the lines of communication

Hey is the latest update! She actually responded to me finally. I will share her email and my final response with you all. She is a walking contradiction and always plays the victim card. She spent most of her marriage cheating on my fiance or sitting on her ass not helping the kids or to get a job to help with the house. She had no problem spending money, and still has no problem getting money from my fiance or from me when I buy things for the kids that she refuses to with child support. I knew this is the response that I would get, and the entire family and other family friends have told me that she plays the "poor me" card no matter what. I feel so much better though knowing that I tried to have communication with her, but it didn't work. I was able to say what I wanted and now I know that she is exactly the person that everyone has told me that she is. Even her own kids.


Funny...and all this time I thought you stopped answering your door because you felt awkward (being the other woman) facing me...I actually thought that maybe you had an attack of conscience. The bottom line is this, there is no reason why we should have to communicate unless your fiance slips into a coma when the kids are at your house. If you have a concern, you can express it to him and he can bring it to me. I wouldn't expect him to be aware of every tiny detail of the kids' daily life, but SD's rash problem is something that has been an issue for 8 or 9 years, it was a constant struggle to find products that didn't cause her problems....and we have talked about several times since we split up - especially when he first started to bring the kids to your house, so this particular issue is something he should have been familiar with.

Just for the record, I don't feel any need to defend myself to you, however, I do want to say a few things, I have always tried not to be rude to you but I will never be friendly. Perhaps when it happens to you, you will understand. You do not know me, you have this idea of who you think I am, but you know nothing about me and I can guarantee that anything you think you know about me is far from accurate. But that is the life and the reality you have chosen to be a part of. My kids, sadly, understand why I feel the way I do...they were apart of our life when everything imploded on us. They do not expect me to be cordial to you let alone friendly - occasions when I do say hello or speak to you they are always shocked. I am not certain (but I have a pretty good guess)why you think I'm angry and bitter, but that couldn't be further from reality, I forgave your fiance a long time ago. I have never bothered him, never picked fights with him, never EVER told him he couldn't see the kids, never once behaved in a vindictive way, as most women would have considering what happened. On the contrary, I have always been overly respectful of his choices. Last thing I would want is for his "happily ever after" to be ruined because THAT would hurt my children. The only time there is ever an issue is when he starts one.

My children like you, and for that I am thankful because you are right, you are a part of their lives. I have always encouraged them to accept you because I knew, from the day I decided that I couldn't forgive & forget this time, that you would eventually be their step-mother. Obviously you have no clue as to the efforts I have put in to ensure that my kids don't hate their dad or you. I have always encouraged them in a healthy direction regardless of what you may hear otherwise. But at the same time, I do not lie to my kids. This is their life and they have a right to understand things about it so if they ask, I answer as truthfully as I am able. I always encourage my children to go to your house, have a good time, follow the rules and make the best of the situation that we are living in now. Unfortunately, your fiance continually instigates my animosity and then pretends to wonder why I get upset. And quite honestly, it's not you that I am avoiding at functions, it's a way, I feel sorry for you because you are in the dark. For all that he has done and continues to do to try to hurt me, I would prefer never to interact with him at all, unfortunately that is not realistic. But that is my reality and has nothing to do with you. All I have ever asked for from him is a bit of respect which he refuses to show. Perhaps one day you'll take a look at both sides of the story. Maybe when you have your own children and you spend 13 years fighting to keep your family together, you will begin to understand.


I still can't believe you've gotten this bent out of shape over soap. It seems so trivial to me, and I was only trying to help SD. It's a shame you reacted this way about something that would actually help your daughter. Since you and my fiance really can't seem to discuss anything without arguing with each other, and he's had more important things on his plate lately I thought I could help SD out on my own. I send both of the kids home with new clothes when they tell me that you can't buy any for them. I thought sending a bar of soap would honestly be no big deal. I'm sorry it got this far.

I won't ever contact you about anything ever again, so no worries. I see now that there is no benefit even for the kids in doing so. For the record, I don't know where you got this idea of what I think of you. I don't know you, just as you really know nothing about me. I met you one time before my fiance and I got together, and we hardly got to know each other. Anything that I know about you,or the ideas of what I have of you come from the kids or your behavior over the past 2 years that I have witnessed or been apart of. With the kids, I know that the kids exaggerate the truth in both houses most times just to make each parent feel better so I don't put much stock into everything they say. My fiance has told me all kinds of bad things and good things about you and your marriage. It has not just been one horrible BM bashing story. He's actually said a lot of nice things about you as well. No offense, but I couldn't care less about what happened over the 13 years you were married. I know there are 2 sides to every story, and truthfully...only you 2 know the real truth of things. I do not consider myself "the other woman". Unfortunately you do not know the full truth about our relationship either.

I don't want you walking around thinking that I hate you. I don't really have any feelings about you because I don't know you. To me, you are the mother of SS and SD and that's it. What's interesting is that the kids have told me on numerous occasions over the past 2 years about bad things that you have said about me, and that your ex-BF used to say about me. I have told them my side of the story as well, because it's not fair for you to tell them about things that you were not apart of...just as I would never them things that I know about that you did to damage your marriage to their dad because I wasn't there and wasn't part of your marriage. I only know my fiance's side and he wasn't perfect either. We all know that it takes 2 people to make and break a relationship. I know I'm the perfect scapegoat for you and why your marriage ended, but it couldn't be further from the truth. You say that you have done nothing but encourage the kids to have a relationship with their dad or even me, but your actions at times have proven otherwise, and the kids have said otherwise. It really hasn't mattered though, because despite everything that you said about me to the kids they still like me and I have a close relationship with each of them.

I will still say hello to you at functions, and over the course of our lives together when we see each other at their graduations, wedding showers, baby showers, etc. I will always be respectful of you for the kid's sake. I don't want them having anxiety about "what will happen with mom and SIT". I was hoping that you could do the same for them...that's all.

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