Tuesday, September 6, 2011

And now for the SS15 negative...

Last week I posted a positive about SS15, but then this weekend he said something that got me steaming.

Another stepmom friend of mine came over this weekend with her SD14 and newborn 3 month old son. Her and I were having a discussion about how hard a baby is and they truly require so much from you...how she misses having a hot meal, a long shower, sleep, etc. I said something like, "it really proves how much we sacrifice to have children". My SS says from across the room, "oh TS like you are really one to talk you've never had to sacrifice anything!". I take in what he just said and try to choose my words before going off in a fit of rage. I say, "excuse me? I haven't had to sacrifice anything? Are you serious? I have sacrificed my entire way of life for the 2 of you and you aren't even my kids. Don't you EVER say something like that to me ever again."

This happened 2 days ago and I'm still pissed about it. Is this really how they see us? As these women who what...had no life or something and wanted all this bullshit? That we just sat around waiting for a guy with a psycho ex and a few ungrateful kids to come along to make our lives insane? I swear, the past 4 years I have done more and SACRIFICED more for these kids than their own mother has/does. This just proves that unless you rip open your vagina and give birth all you are is just dad's sidekick.

I'm curious what you all feel you have sacrificed or given up by being a stepmom. Here's some of mine:

1) Giving up my house an hour away to live in the sticks so they could have 50/50 because mom wouldn't dare move. I have no friends in this town, no local places I like, and it takes me at least an hour to get to my office or airport instead of 15 minutes.
2) money, lots and lots of money (including lots of gas in my car for driving them all over the place)
3) being a newlywed without kids
4) a major decrease in my sex life
5) my individuality because I'm being compared to someone else all the time
6) a portion of my self esteem because I am never good enough no matter how hard I try
7) a clean house
8) being able to have privacy in my own home
9) knowing what it's like to start a family for the first time with someone
10) being able to create a baby by making love instead of with science because my husband had a vasectomy after already having 2 kids with a piece of shit woman

These are just 10 things and I will force myself to stop there or I could end up with 100.


  1. --Money
    --Respect (both that which is due me and that which I should have for my husband @ times)
    --privacy (both from the kid and her nutballs parent who is way too fond of posting "anonymously" to the internet)
    ---my ability to parent my own kid as I see fit (because "it's not fair that you let your kid get away with it and my kid gets punished) despite the fact his kid does the same things OVER and OVER and OVER.
    ---Privacy #2 thanks to Child Protective being dragged into my life not once, not twice, but THREE times by a certain liar
    ---patience. Went out the window a VERY long time ago
    ---Damn near my marriage thanks to custody reversal.

    It's ok though because I've also gained:
    --strength, in having to learn to be self-supportive again

  2. I linked to your post here, and added a few thoughts! http://wickedstepmum.com/sacrificial-stepmum/

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  4. I would have probably said the exact same thing. What a bunch of crap! You haven't sacrificed anything? A great list.

  5. I bet he's feeling quite awful about this throw-away comment in hindsight.

  6. I am totally with you here. You sacarfice a hell of alot! I dont know how you copy I am on the edge, any minute now I will walk away. Its ashame as my fiancee could not be any better for me.

  7. Oh, poor you. Boo hoo. Nobody wanted you around except your husband, so just break up.

  8. And you're deluding yourself if you think you've sacrificed more for these kids than their parents. And you didn't sacrifice anything for them. You sacrificed so your husband wouldnt leave you.